GRIEF… The Unspoken Silence

Grief is a universal experience, we all share it, yet no one talks about it. It is uncomfortable and a topic we tend to keep to ourselves, not wanting to burden others with our pain. What is grief to one person may not be to another person. To one person, the loss of a job, a treasured pet, a marriage, or the ability to have children is as real and devastating as another person’s loss of a child, spouse, or parent. No one loss has greater value than another. Grief is deeply personal, it demands to be acknowledged, validated, respected, and honored in whatever form it comes in.

Acknowledge, Respect, Feel

Pain that is denied is pain delayed…it does not disappear, you cannot escape it, it lingers quietly shaping our life until it demands to be felt. It always finds its way back to us.

Grief shows up in many forms: a quiet tide, a sudden storm, a tidal wave that crashes without warning, or a gentle ache that never quite fades. It is unpredictable and unsettling. It can motivate your memories, or it can burn slowly like a beautiful candle offering love and light, yet at the same time capturing you in an endless spiral of unanswered questions.

Grief can disguise itself not just as sadness, but as procrastination, perfectionism, irritability, or even hyper-productivity.

Grief does not always look like tears or mourning. Sometimes, it hides behind overworking, constantly helping others, or staying busy to avoid the silence where pain lives. It can also show up as brain fog, forgetfulness, or an inability to make decisions, because your mind is processing a loss beneath the surface.

So, what can we do with these feelings? How can we move through grief while trying to live a life of meaning, purpose, and peace?

We walk slowly and gently through grief, honoring what once was and taking baby steps toward a new chapter in our lives. Not only can this be the loss of a loved one, it can also be saying goodbye to a job that we once thrived in, an unexpected job loss,  a chronic illness, women navigating menopause, empty nesters who are now adjusting to a quieter homelife,  the loss of a marriage/relationship, transitioning from high school to college, college to “adulting”.  It all matters, it all counts on how we feel it, how we navigate it. The support can come in many forms such as:

• Talk Therapy

• Support Group

• Group Therapy

• Mindfulness/Meditation

• Journaling/Creative Writing

• Somatic Therapy (breathwork, body movement)

• Art/Music Therapy

• Ritual/Ceremony (honoring your loss with a special ritual or ceremony)

• Making new memories while honoring the past with love and light.

A few other “tools” that can be helpful as we navigate grief and that I have used both in my own grief journey and working with clients:

A Grief Timeline/Mapping

• Draw a horizontal timeline from the moment of your loss to now.

• Mark emotional “peaks and valleys”, times you felt intense sadness, peace, anger, numbness, etc.

• Note what triggered each shift. This creates awareness of patterns and progress you may not have noticed.

Seeing that grief changes over time can ease the fear that it will always feel this heavy.

Music reflection and check-in

• Create a playlist that reminds you of your loss and listen to it intently with no interruptions.

• Sit or lie down with it. Let the music carry you. Cry, breathe, write, whatever comes.

• Afterwards, check in:

“What did I feel?”

“What do I still need?” 

“What helped me feel less alone?”

Music accesses emotions beyond words, it lets you feel without explanation.

Letter writing

• Write a letter to your loss. Say everything.

• Do not censor yourself: grief can include anger, relief, blame, deep love, or confusion.

• Read it aloud, then safely burn it (or bury, shred, etc.).

• Breathe, and observe what emotions come up after the release.

This is a way to honor and let go without forgetting.

“What remains” reflections

• Reflect on the question:

“Now that this person/chapter/thing is gone… what still remains in me?”

• Write freely. Maybe it is their values, their love, your resilience, or a new awareness.

• Optional: turn this into a small mantra or affirmation (e.g., “I carry her strength.” or “Love doesn’t leave, it changes form.”)

This helps you “grieve forward” and rebuild with meaning.

Grief is not something we can fix, but rather we need “tend to” like taking care of a garden. We may prune one day, over the next several days we may water and, on some days, we simply sit with it. No rules, no regulations, just the weight of grief until one day we notice that perhaps the load has lessened a bit, the weight is not as heavy. The grief has transformed into what we have learned to live with and walk beside. The club we never wanted to belong to, yet we move through it day after day and learn to navigate the journey.

Talk therapy can be especially helpful and preferably someone who has experience in working with grief. If I can be of service to you, please reach out…I would be honored to walk beside you in your journey.

Kristen Powell, MS, LCPC

Kristen is a Certified Grief Educator and Specialist. She runs her private practice Kristen Powell Therapy LLC and will see clients out of her Glen Ellyn office or telehealth. Her favorite populations to work with are women going thru life changes, grief and loss, and supporting mothers who have children in mental health treatment.

www.kristenpowell-therapy.com

kristen@kristenpowell-therapy.com